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QaR
December 2009 
"Loving What Is" Workshop by Byron Katie
Laurie
May 16, 2009
Loving What Is - Byron Katie
Infinity Foundation - Highland Park, IL
The Byron Katie "Loving What Is" workshop that we attended today was phenomenal. If I had to distil my notes down to the most important bullet points I would say (and I hope you didn't have to be there to appreciate these - taken out of context they may not make sense):
The four questions to ask yourself about any belief that you have are:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it's true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
We are all performers (actors) seeking love, approval and appreciation. We fear disapproval.
We each need to take 100% responsibility for our own suffering.
A woman in the audience believed, "The more you suffer, the more you prove your love." Byron Katie's response to that was, "That's whacked! Suffering is suffering; there's nothing loving about suffering."
A woman in the audience believed that she was less than worthy because she didn't live up to someone's expectations. Byron Katie said, "It's what you believe about something that causes your suffering."
"When you're not loving what is, you're suffering. Celebrate what is!" - Byron Katie
"What you believe about the world is the world you live in." - Byron Katie
What other people think about you is none of your business.
An open mind is the key to your heart.
A woman in the audience said, "That's all I can do right now." Byron Katie responded, "Then you've given it your best because ALL you can do right now is your maximum."
Death is not terrifying. It's what we believe about death that is terrifying.
It's okay not to know.
"When we believe what we think, it costs us the state of grace." - Byron Katie
After working with one woman in the audience who shared her belief that, "My son is not doing what he needs to do to make his life work." The woman realized and shared:
- "I need to get out of myself and actually listen to my son."
- "I need to see the things he's doing right instead of the things he's doing wrong - I only see what he's doing wrong."
- "I only look at what I want for him; what I believe is best for him. I need to stop acting like I know everything."
- "My job as a mother is to love my son and listen to him."
- "It's a lot of work for me to stick my nose in his business."
- "I thought that without my input he could do nothing. Now I see how disrespectful that is."
"An open mind is a state of grace." - Byron Katie
Access: Public
“We each need to take 100% responsibility for our own suffering.”
That one is tough. True, but tough.
As someone who spent a lifetime in pain, buried in endless suffering, it is hard to acknowledge that I was the driving force behind staying stagnant in that place. I know this to be true today, but even within the framework of gaining confidence in this truth, it is still a concept that requires diligence.
Accepting responsibility for continuing to live enmeshed in suffering is something that would make anyone ask themself “Is this where I want to be?”. When you apply the four questions from the workshop, it gives you the ammunition to challenge the old conditioning, and separate the truth from the simple reactive thought processes. Identifying what we think from what is truth can be tricky.
Very thought-provoking post. I'm sure I'll be back again to see what discussion might follow. Thanks for sharing an excerpt from your experience at the workshop. Fascinating work.
Who would you be without the thought? This is a fascinating question as it seems to be central to an open mind. thanks Laurie:)
I can relate to that part about the woman and her son!!!
Nancy, Terrill & Jenni -
Thank you for stopping by. I can't count the number of times since yesterday's workshop that I have questioned a thought with “Is that true?” and “Who would I be without that thought?” It is process of inquiry that teaches us to identify and question the thoughts that cause all of the suffering and violence in the world. It's a way to understand what's hurting you, and to address it with clarity. It's amazing!